funny dark jokes

 

  • I'm not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are in on it too.
  • Why did the banana go to the doctor? Because it wasn't peeling well.
  • What do you call a group of musical vegetables? A veggie band.
  • I'm not forgetful, I just have a selective memory.
  • Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer? He couldn't see himself doing it.
  • What do you call a fish with no eyes? Fsh!
  • I used to be a baker, but I couldn't make enough dough.
  • Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing!
  • What do you call a deer with no eyes? No idea.
  • I'm so good at sleeping, I can do it with my eyes closed.
  • Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because it felt crummy.
  • What's an astronaut's favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
  • I have a fear of elevators. I'm taking steps to avoid them.
  • Why did the orchestra stop playing? Because they lost their conductor.
  • What do you call a fake spaghetti? An impasta.
  • I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy-saving mode.
  • Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired.
  • What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus rex.
  • I'm trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
  • Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
  • What do you call a sad coffee? Depresso.
  • I'm not arguing, I'm just explaining why I'm right.
  • Why did the math book look sad? Because it had too many problems.
  • What do you call a cheese that isn't yours? Nacho cheese.
  • I'm not a procrastinator, I just prefer to do things later.

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