dark jokes ........................................adult jokes 18+ jokes

 

I told my husband he needed to appreciate me more. So he started clapping whenever I entered a room.

My husband and I communicate through interpretive dance. It's mostly him looking confused.

I asked my husband if he ever felt ignored. He said, "Huh?"

My husband believes in equality in marriage. He makes all the big decisions, and I make all the small ones. He hasn't made a big decision in years.

I love my husband's sense of direction. It always leads us to interesting places we never intended to go.

My husband and I have date night at home. He falls asleep on the couch, and I watch true crime documentaries.

I asked my husband if he thought I was high-maintenance. He said, "Compared to what? A space shuttle?"

My husband's memory is selective. He remembers every mistake I've ever made but forgets where he put his keys five minutes ago.

I told my husband he was my knight in shining armor. He asked if I needed rescuing from the dishes.

My husband and I have a budget. He thinks it's a suggestion.

I asked my husband what he'd do if I won the lottery. He said he'd miss me.

My husband is incredibly supportive. He supports my right to be wrong.

I tried to teach my husband about irony. He said, "That's great!"

My husband and I have a wonderful understanding. He understands he's always wrong.

I often wonder what my husband does all day. Then I see the state of the house and realize he's been busy... doing something else.

I tried to have a serious conversation with my wife. It quickly devolved into who emptied the dishwasher last.

My wife says I have a one-track mind. It's true. It usually leads to the fridge.

I bought my wife a self-help book. Now she's helping herself to my credit cards.

My wife and I have a great balance in our relationship. She's always right, and I'm always trying to figure out how.

I told my wife she was nagging me. She asked if I'd finished the things she asked me to do. Point taken.

My wife and I communicate telepathically. Mostly through eye-rolls and sighs.

I asked my wife for her opinion. She gave it. Unsolicited, but given.

My wife is a creature of habit. Every night, she asks me if I've taken the trash out. Every night, the answer is no.

I told my wife she was my better half. She said, "Obviously."

My wife and I are planning a surprise party for me. She's surprising me with the fact that none of my friends like me

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